Hello there again, back to give you another dose of my wicked word processor [don't you mean wordy wick processor? Ed] When I started doing this monthly column a few months ago on the request of the Headitor, I was worried that I wouldn't fulfil my quota of words and I'd run out of things to say. The opposite has been proving true, the words have been running away with me (OK, you've noticed) and the Headitor has told me, 'Sorry, going to have to hold back some of your absolute drivel this month'. C'est la vie, as we say in Irlande. Ration my words! What is the world coming to.

Hunger Strikers
Twenty years on from the republican hunger strikes of 1981! So near, and yet so far, the time of ten men dying so slowly, an issue which more than any other divided Catholic and Protestant in Northern Ireland (and that is saying something). Their bravery was incredible but despite the continuation of many, many divisions in Norn Iron it was a totally different universe (see 'The H-Block Struggle 1976-1981' by Campbell, McKeown and O'Hagan for the H-Blockers' story). The way in which it somehow engendered so totally different responses from Catholics and Protestants was amazing, like some great fault line based on the Catholic/Protestant cultural divide just put an unbridgeable chasm between the two. There was a violent campaign outside the prisons, and in nonviolent theory those hunger strikes might be more moral blackmail than anything else but that shouldn't detract from other facts; Maggie Thatcher could have resolved it without any deaths if she put people before her own unbridled principles, and the hunger strikers' demands were not that radical.

Out of the hunger strikes grew the upsurge of the political, as opposed to the military, within the republican movement of Sinn Fein and the IRA, a key element in what led to the Good Friday Agreement. This interestingly fits in well with mediation theory; for mediation or negotiations to succeed, a powerless side needs to be made more powerful in order to participate, and its only with the build up in the political side from the 'eighties that the republican movement began to have both the mechanisms and the capacity to negotiate. Anyhow now it's both part of history and part of what we were and are. And it's also one of the great happy ironies (remember that old slogan, 'strike while the irony's hot') of our recent history; that an unparalleled divide could lead to the possibility of ongoing cooperation. It's great when history and politics turn out like that, don't you think?

Thales of Miletus
Thales (pronounced Tha - lez, I believe) Air Defence is the new name for Shorts Missiles Systems in Belfast, you know, the people who sold 'Blowpipe' missiles to the Argentinians so they could shoot down (three) British planes during the Falklands/Malvinas war between Britain and Argentina in 1982. You might think British missiles shooting down British planes might cause some questions to be asked but not a bit of it. More recently they have proudly spoken of exporting to 56 countries - but are more reluctant to say which 56 countries, I wonder why, it couldn't possibly be because some (many?) of these are authoritarian and repressive regimes with appalling human rights records? Anyhow, I am proud to announce (exclusive news to this website!) the formation of the Campaign for the Rights of Ancient Philosophers, Just send in your name on a waxed tablet to join. I felt this new campaigning group is necessary given the hijacking of the real Thales' name (see next paragraph).

After intensive research (ten minutes in the city library) I would like to give a bit of background information so you can judge how ill-founded the new name is for Shorts Missiles. Thales of Miletus lived c.624 - 545 BCE; he was a natural philosopher, astronomer and geometer, the first of the Ionian physical scientists (e.g. studied the causes of the Nile floods on a visit to Egypt, and found a means of measuring the height of the Pyramids etc). He was considered one of the Seven Sages of Greece and the founder of Greek and therefore European philosophy. He may have proposed the first natural cosmology, identifying water as the basis of the universe. My Chambers Biographical Dictionary also says that he "attracted various apocryphal anecdotes, for example as the original absent-minded professor who would fall into a well while watching the stars." Well, well. So why has Shorts Missiles renamed themselves after him? Is it to gain spurious classical kudos ('glory' or 'renown' from the Greek) and the integrity missing in producing weapons of destruction? Thales wasn't a soldier, an armourer or a violent man and it seems the ultimate insult that weapons of destruction should be named after him. But in short, I think Shorts Missile Systems are rather less interested in Thales than in Thalers ( the 'thaler' was an old Austrian unit of currency and the origin of the word 'dollar'). "Missiles 'r' Us" might be a more appropriate and honest name if they were looking for a new label.

Kyoto: Mad Climate Disease
Appalling, appalling, appalling. There is only one word to describe George Bush's reneging on the Kyoto climate change agreement. And I have just repeated it three times to emphasise how appalling it is. The USA is the world's largest gas guzzler (5.48 tonnes of carbon dioxide emissions per head in 1997 compared to 2.77 for Germany - which is fairly high for Europe). When (if??!!) the history of the 21st century gets to be written, Bush's decision will, I am quite sure, rank as one of the most shortsighted actions by a world leader. Kyoto was a limited comprised agreement but at least it was something. Ironically most US citizens favoured the backing of the Kyoto treaty but it looks like it's payoff time for Bush's financial backers, the big corporations. European Greens and others have called for boycotts of USA products and this is something which may have to gain momentum to make this 'rogue state' come to heel. [See also the short climate change supplement on this website] Ireland meanwhile has a lot of work to do; there may be pain but there will be long term gain, both economically and climatically for us in the longer term, and certainly for those parts of the world threatened with extinction. Implementing Kyoto is certainly not 'easy peasy Japanesey' (emission cuts of 8% in EU and 7% in USA by 2012 on 1990 levels) but it is very practicable. Meanwhile, a letter in the British 'Guardian' newspaper said they took grim satisfaction from the fact that Florida would be the first part of the USA to go under!

Friends of the Earth International has called on people to electronically flood the White House with protest e-mails regarding President Bush's decision. Points you can make include the USA's former commitment to the Kyoto Protocol, the fact that the US has the highest carbon dioxide emissions per head in the world, and the clear evidence of signs of climatic change. Send to <president@whitehouse.gov> or go to <http://www.foeeurope.org/climate> for more information.

Bringing out the best China
Twinning is winning in local government circles where every town, city or hamlet ("wherefore art thou, o twin?") feels it has to be twinned with at least one other place or it feels like an orphan. Mind you, Belfast and Beirut has often been suggested as a logical link in the past when those mighty cedars were bleeding in the heat and we were still at it in our own place (in Paul Brady's lyrics). It's funny how a phase can catch on and still be used despite now being inappropriate - 'Beirut' is still used in Norn Iron as an (outsiders') description of estates and areas which have a high level of violence and intimidation. But it was a nice one two when anti-nuclear activists in England came up with a sign for Sellafield (ex-Windscale) 'twinned with Chernobyl'.

Now the (People's Republic of) China has suggested twinning Beijing with Dublin, a prospect which has appalled human rights campaigners and many other people. If it did come to pass, maybe we could put some unwanted politicians in search of a junket on a slow boat to China.... But, this being a totally objective (don't you mean 'totally objectionable' - Ed) column, I decided to do another of my lists. So, here we go.

1. Both are capital cities but only one has capital punishment.

2. Both have Chinese restaurants but in Beijing an amazing 99.8% of restaurants could be described as 'Chinese'.

3. Both have substantial emigre/diaspora communities around the world. Most Chinese outside their home country work in the catering trade. Traditionally the Irish worked in labouring and service industries but have now moved up a rung on the ladder, so they are now substantial customers for the Chinese restaurants.

4. China has a Great Wall. In the unlikely event that the DUP/Democratic Unionist Party comes into power in Norn Iron the Great Wall of China will be nothing compared to what we have on the border between North and South. The Black Pig's Dyke doesn't count.

5. The name for China comes from the concept of it being the 'Middle Kingdom', i.e. the centre of the earth. Irish people never had to name their country in this way because they knew Ireland was the centre of the universe as a fact.

6. Both cities have a considerable number of people living in them. Dublin has well over a million, Beijing happens to have just slightly more (more than double the whole population of Ireland); China is the most populous country on earth, Ireland has under 6 million on the whole island, a small country by even European standards.

7. Both are on different continents.

8. The Chinese way of speaking is really quite similar to the mode of speaking used by people from Cork (to protect myself from the wrath of Cork readers I hasten to add that methodologically the pitch variation associated with Chinese is a highly sophisticated communication device for which we have no equivalent in the West - so you see, this is really a compliment to Cork people...)

9. Both countries have noticeable levels of official and political corruption but they are dealt with in different ways. In China, people found guilty of high levels of corruption are executed. In Ireland, the same sort of people are punished by being forced to go on drawing their pensions and by having their crimes ignored (how brutal can you get).

10. The Chinese invented paper without which it would have been more difficult for Ireland to produce the greatest writers in the world (says he modestly and without any trace whatsoever of chauvinism).

So there you have it, my definitive comparison. My own serious conclusion would be that the government and Dublin authorities would need to be pretty much out of their skulls to give Beijing the kudos of being associated with Dublin's fair city, which, despite big problems has a mainly enviable international reputation. But I was a bit worried about one of the 'vox pop' comments in Dublin's 'Evening Herald' where someone rejected the possible link on the grounds "we're completely different". While you might want some similarities in order to have effective twinning, the opposite of this, 'being completely the same' sounds like an atrocious reason for twinning.

Foot, mouth, knees and toes
If you couldn't laugh about the foot and mouth you'd be crying, as many farmers are. But here are just a couple of lighter reflections. Isn't it lucky that there wasn't foot and mouth disease around at the time of Ireland's great epic story, since the Táin Bó Cualnge/Cattle Raid of Cooley would never have taken place with the epicentre of the foot and mouth cases just there, on the Cooley peninsula north-east of Dundalk. The authorities would never have allowed Queen Medb/Maeve to take the Brown Bull out, and in fact it might have been Put Down (and she wouldn't have been too popular with the people thereabouts for moving livestock and risking the spread of the plague). Meanwhile back in the present, when foot and mouth appeared south of the border, the Northern authorities started spraying vehicles coming into the North from the South; one structure over the road just on the Northern side of the Dundalk/Newry road looks suspiciously like an undercover Orange arch; is this a totemic method to keep the fenian foot and mouth out of the North?

Che, Cuba, Culture - and Jim Fitzpatrick
Did you see that piece about Jim Fitzpatrick, the Irish popular artist ,in the 'Irish Times' on St Patrick's Day (his St Patrick emblazoning the cover of their magazine that day). I don't know where I've been (hiberniating - Ed) but I didn't know that the cultural icon of Che Guevara, from the late 'sixties, was by Fitzpatrick, whose Celtic goddesses were so well known in my younger days (didn't know you had any - Ed) and have hung on millions of bedsit walls. His website, at <www.jimfitzpatrick.ie>, is a fascinating picture of an amazing and idiosyncratic man who describes himself as a 'militant pacifist'. Fitzpatrick's icongraphic Che (born 1927, killed 1967) was used not so much as a badge of support for Cuba, though it could be that too, but much more a symbol of rebellion against the establishment (before people had the chance to sell out to the highest bidder). It looks like Fitzpatrick has himself resisted that sell out with his art. But not only could the Argentinian Che have played for the Irish football team (his mammy was Irish) but the global icon of him was done by an Irish man. When you think of what the USA has done in Latin America over the years it makes Cuba's revolution look a picnic (I know, Cuba's human rights record isn't great but it's a damn site better than a host of other Latin American countries of the time), and my reading of the Cuban story indicates that the USA drove Cuba into the Soviet Union's arms anyway. It's almost likely to make you manic enough to be a street preacher.

Coming back to Jim Fitzpatrick, his celebration of Irish mythology is a deeper one, as his website shows, than his popular depictions of Celtic/pre-Celtic heroes/heroines might have had you think. There is a whole debate there also about the role of violence in the ancient Irish stories (no difference to modern films then) and how we interpret that. But the role of violence in culture goes deep, deep, deep and is a theme I'll return to another time, an issue of great significance for all our futures.

All the presidents
Interesting to see the Irish 'Methodist Newsletter' (incidentally, a well presented and produced monthly) claiming President George Dubya Bush as one of theirs, or at least one of their international fraternity. If it was me editing it then I'd be more inclined to wait 4 years and see if we wanted to claim him!!! How many of the USA presidents of the 20th or even 21st century would you want to claim kinship or connection with???? To think Richard Nixon was 'a kind' of Quaker! Which brings to mind John F Kennedy and his visit to Ireland as the first USA president of Irish Catholic extraction (the Prod presidents, of Ulster Scots extraction early on in the history of the US of A, were two a penny). Galway's large and imposing stone cathedral, being built around that time at vast expense, includes a representation of JFK in a side chapel; when I last visited the cathedral some few years ago it looked like this wee chapel was being used for storage. And given what people learnt of JFK's womanising he was hardly likely to feature in any more. Sic transit gloria mundi (Ed- Are you using that Irish again?) (Billy- don't be silly, you daft eejit, it's Latin for 'so passes the glory of the world' or something like that). Or, to take the text message the white van man sent on his mobile phone to the firm's secretary at the start of the week when his van broke down; "Sick Transit, Gloria, Monday." (Ed- We're tremendously proud to bring you the worst and most convoluted puns imaginable.)

All the world's a stage
This is one for the event organisers among you. I've come up with The Definitive Guide to the Stages in Organising an Event, as in seminar, conference etc., encapsulated into just 11 easy stages. Don't be afraid! You too can organise events which are outstandingly successful! Just make a note of the following points on the journey so you can BE PREPARED (you can run this off and put it on the notice board beside your desk for handy reference);

Stage 1) Great thoughts, great hopes, the vision and the expectations are high as you (individually and then collectively) first come up with and define the idea, honing it to perfection.

Stage 2) A downer as you grapple with the logistics and other ics, if we do this what about that, and if she comes then he won't.....

Stage 3) Things look up again as you launch to an unsuspecting world this magnificent event.

Stage 4) Silence from the world but eventually the first one or two bookings come in.

Stage 5) Down to the depths as Foot and Mouth or other Major Crises threaten to wipe out every event everywhere.

Stage 6) Down deeper in the depths as one or two of the bookings you've had out of the one or two bookings you've had phone to say 'sorry, something else has come up I have to be at, I can't come'. Also known as the 'panic stage'.

Stage 7) You're desperately trying to promote it and cajole people into coming, a few more bookings arrive.

Stage 8) In the last few days beforehand, more people get in touch about coming. Some are bookings by phone from people you don't know which you take on trust but will they turn up?

Stage 9) The day has dawned; today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well, well enough anyhow, and the event passes uneventfully (another contradiction in terms).

Stage 10) It's over. Relief beyond belief. Collapse in a shuddering heap. Your future flashes before you and it ain't pretty (more of the same).

Stage 11) One day to one week later; What was all that about and what did anyone get out of it? You don't know the answer.

Overall, if you hadn't done it all before and know what to expect you'd be asking fundamental questions like - What is the meaning of the universe? Is there a God? What have I done wrong? Is this all happening because I am the reincarnation of a mass murderer? Experience counts in this game and means that you can panic more slowly. You vow never, ever to do it again....until the next time.

Mass markets
A long time ago (why do you begin stories that way, is it because it really was a long time ago? - Ed) in the era of 'Dawn' magazine, the Dawn group held a nonviolence training in the then Glencree House in Belgrave Square in Rathmines, Dublin. We'll call this guy 'Bill', anyway, Bill had a background in psychology and counselling and decided that he was interested in participating but he hadn't booked. He also decided that it was bound to be so popular he'd have to push his way in and refuse to leave if he was to be able to take part. So he burst in to find only six or eight people there. He immediately decided he wasn't interested! Now he was persuaded to stay and made a good contribution to the training and has been involved in peace and political activities since, but isn't it remarkable how we react? Expect something to be popular and we want to be part of it. Find out there's just a few people and decide it's a waste of time. It reminds me of a guest speaker for one evening of a different nonviolence course saying that if he knew there was only going to be so few (if I remember eight or nine) people he wouldn't have bothered coming! This from someone who had group work as one of his specialities and for a group which was committed to one evening for eight or ten weeks! My own approach is - the fewer the people come, the more they deserve my care and attention to make the session or series successful. (Ed - Or are you sure it's not because you never have a load of people??!!)