We are deeply, deeply privileged to have been given, in an exclusive report, the thoughts and precepts of the Wise One, the President of the USA and the Even Wiser One, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Wherever Else.

Being vigil-ant

So what did you do during the war Mammy/Daddy/Sister/Brother/Friend? Well, actually I went to some vigils. When the military of various sorts are off knocking the shit - literally - out of other people thousands of miles away it is a bit difficult feeling powerless. For some of us being vigil-ant is as good as it gets. Not that we're not demo-ing, e-mailing, letter-writing and petitioning as well, you understand, but it is where the vigil comes into its own. We do not accept the unacceptable, the vigil says. We stand up where others lie down, prostrate, the vigil says. We have a different vision, the vigil says. We stand up for peace and human rights, the vigil says, and put ourselves up for public support or ridicule. And the silent vigil can be very powerful, a symbol of a very different alternative in the midst of war - or just in the middle of a busy city space. OK there's lots of other things to be done - demos, shadow painting, postering, leafletting, disaffecting, all sorts - but the vigil is hard to beat. And even a weekly vigil for an hour or so can be kept up for months and months. And as the winter comes in, so will the candles come out. And the umbrellas. It reminds me of the quote - I think originally from the USA - which I paraphrase here; "We'll know that peace has come when social and poverty-relieving projects have all the money they need and the Air Force has to have a Cake Sale for buying a new jet fighter'! PS All donations gratefully received - for the peace causes, not the jet fighter......

Global Warfare Day
Isn't it a gag. On 7th September a new resolution was adopted by the UN General Assembly creating an International Day of Peace on 21st September each year - "the aim of this fixed date is for it to be a Global Ceasefire Day, allowing humanitarian agencies to provide critical services to victims of conflict on that particular day, and in the long term to promote peace." And who was the resolution sponsored by? Why Costa Rica and the UK - the latter of which on the 21st September this year would have been busily getting geared up for the war in Afghanistan. And said country could do with providing its ally, the USA, with a big nudge about 'allowing humanitarian agencies to provide critical services to victims of conflict.' Or was this really a crass example of tokenism and never meant to be taken seriously, least of all by its co-sponsor, the UK?

So, I hereby solemnly and unilaterally declare 21st September as 'Global Warfare Day' - 'a day to celebrate all the best in modern warfare' - the adrenaline thrill for the bomber pilots dropping bombs on one of the poorest countries in the world, the profits for arms manufacturers (shares up a third since 11th September), the fact that you're not a real man, I mean nation, if you can't kick ass with your military. Be sure and celebrate it next year, just write it into your diaries now or at least your 'forward planner'. Remember, those who live by the sword get a nice pay cheque at the end of the month and if you're in the pay of a high-tech nation the risk to you is no more than working at Dunnes or Tescos and being run over by a fork-lift truck or by a bus on the way to work.

PS There was a man who travelled the highways and byways of Ireland, he was usually known as Kennie. The long acre was his home, himself and Neidin his horse - Ken('s) mare. - who would graze the byways at will. As he got older, his friends tried to prevail upon him to settle down and give up the hardships of life on the road, but he was too used to his travelling ways; "Those who live by the sward shall die by the sward", he said. (Ed - Come back Flann O Brien, all is forgiven}.

Poe et tree
You may notice that Billy K is not a great poetry or vice verse fan but Mairead McKeown of the Justice not Terror Coalition in Belfast came up with this one which deserves repeating; it should be a top selling 'CD';

CD Marketing

We need a simple title that the public's sure to buy;

The choice of words is crucial, so we'll really have to try

To use a little subterfuge but avoid a downright lie -

Joe Public's far too busy to ask the question, 'Why?'

There are words which can't be chosen - they're not in the best of taste:

'Death', 'destruction', 'devastation', 'innocent civilians' have no place

In the euphemistic language we'll employ to make our case.

For this PR operation, we must present our 'caring' face.

There's bound to be some damage if the odd bomb goes astray:

(Bodybags and burials are not images to conjure up today).

Can we come up with an adjective that will describe this in a way

Which won't expose the reality behind the words we say?

YES! That's a stroke of genius; the gem of all smoke screens -

The term 'COLLATERAL DAMAGE' conceals more than it reveals

Of the toll of human carnage, the anguish and the screams:

People, when they hear it, won't know exactly what it means.

Congratulations everyone, your choice was really wise.

We'll start marketing this package, if the media will oblige.

It's the very latest CD, let's hope the public buys -

It conceals death and devastation in a very neat disguise!

It's just war

This one is for Christians or people with an interest in Christianity and/or war. Let's just accept for a minute that there are certain principles of Just War that apply as promulgated by St Augustine (well, actually I think they're a radical and reactionary departure from the practice of the early Christian church and of Jesus himself, but I'll let that go by for now). What are they and does the current 'war' in Afghanistan qualify? There are different formulations but here's one (all of these must apply for the war to be 'just');

there must be a declaration of war by the king

it must be a last resort

there must be a good intention on the side declaring war

there must be protection of the innocent, and

a proportion of good over evil must be kept.

Well, if Bush and Blair are 'kings' then maybe that No.1 qualifies - but does it? A 'war on terrorism' where you fight people who may have aided and abetted the people who attacked you but not necessarily those people themselves because you can't find them, well, that's pretty dubious. And No.2 certainly doesn't apply - they didn't make any serious attempt to present the Taliban with evidence of bin Laden's guilt as opposed to issuing non-negotiable demands. No.3 is debateable; yes, there is a certain amount of good intention but if you look closer then revenge has to be a factor in the kind of response the USA is making, so it fails on this one. No.4 is also highly debateable but given the refugee problem, inside and outside Afghanistan (and an estimated hundred people a week killed by landmines while on the move) it is also debateable; an effort to avoid civilian casualties, which the USA and Britain may be making, is not the same thing as the certainty that in the kind of war they are conducting lots of non-combatants will be killed. And No.5 is also debateable given what I've said above. Maybe it's no wonder the Archbishop of Canterbury looked a bit flustered on British teevee when asked was the war just. Because it's not clear that it is, on any of the above counts. But while Christian leaders have in a number of places called for 'restraint', have many said it's not a 'just war'? I'm still listening.

Amerigo round
"Fellow Americans", US President George Bush can say, and people understand this, without thinking, as "Fellow citizens of the United States of America". So how come 'America' has come to be talked about as a synonym for a smaller area, the United States? The geography I was taught told me there were two American continents, North America and 'South' or 'Latin' America. North America also, of course, includes Canada (since when ?- Ed), and inbetween the two 'continents', so to speak, is Central America, a zone in its own right. For me, to speak of the USA as 'America' is a bit like talking about 'Ulster' and meaning only the Protestant people of the 'Six counties' rather than all the people of Six or Nine counties (only worse than this). Obviously, and I explored this last time in analysing the USA and its culture, it's to do with the US being dominant as both global superpower and culture.

But in fact, numerically, while the USA may be a majority in 'North and Central America' (250 million out of about 432 million in 1993) it is not a 'big' majority and there are rather more people in South America (302 million at the same date), so the USA had only about a third of the total population in North, Central and South America. So twice as many people outside the USA could call themselves 'American' as inside it.

So long live the United States of Vespucci! Or maybe a combination of native North American names for the land? Or, since as all Irish people know, it was St Brendan the Navigator who was the first European to arrive in North America (not any of these Viking folks who wandered aimlessly about the place centuries later), maybe 'Amerigo' should be thrown out and it should really be the 'United States of Brendan'. However, don't bank on the post office knowing this when you are writing to your cousin in New York, maybe just stick with the accepted term. But, a final comment on Amerigo; what an irony, two continents named after a bloke from another continent who just made a short visit to one of them. If I go to the Canary Islands for my holiday next year, will they name them after me?

Peace prizes
There are all sorts of peace prizes and some are a bit of a joke at times. There are those who deserve them and those who don't.. Henry Kissinger is one warmonger who definitely didn't. But if I had to nominate currently, for the Billy King Prize for Outstanding Courage for Peace, well I'd share the prize three ways between 62 Israeli high school students, Phyllis and Orlando Rodriguez, and Barbara Lee of the US House of Representatives. Barbara Lee was the one member of the US House of Representatives and Senate to oppose military action in response to the attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Center, being quite rightly "convinced that military action will not prevent further acts of international terrorism against the United States." For this considerable act of courage - and compassion - she was rewarded with several thousand death threats (from within the USA).

Phyllis and Orlando Rodriguez lost their son Greg in the World Trade Center attack on 111th September. They quickly called for no retaliation. "Our son died a victim of an inhuman ideology. Our actions should not serve the same purpose. Let us grieve. Let us reflect and pray. Let us think about a rational response that brings real peace and justice to the world. But let us not as a nation add to the inhumanity of our times."

The Israeli young people sent a letter to Israeli prime minister, Ariel Sharon, stating their intention to refuse to take part in oppressive actions against the Palestinian people - the refusal to cooperate would take different forms "some of us will refuse to enlist altogether, others will not serve in ground units and/or in the occupied territories, and some will prefer to leave the army on a mental-health pretext, in order to avoid service." In their letter they mentioned land expropriations, arrests, executions without a trial, house demolition, closure, torture and the prevention of health care. So congratulations to Rotem Yaniv, May O'mer, Yuri Ronen, Noa Levi, Alon Kess (to mention some names at random) and all the rest. Courage lives and there are still people who believe it is better to live for peace than kill for peace.

Internationale
Isn't it amazing the international solidarity and friendship organisations that exist, despite the best efforts of certain governments and armed groups to blast everyone out of this world into whatever they believe people who get killed go to. Just a glance at your Housmans Peace Diary/World Peace Directory (you are ordering your 2002 one as I speak, I mean write, aren't you?) will reveal a myriad of groups - maybe even some in your own country you don't know about.

Anyway, I came across a new one today. International Ale. I wonder what they do? Promote alcohol use as a way of getting frenzied war-mongers to slow down and chill out? Beer as part of a relaxed lifestyle? 'Ale and hearty', 'Ale and farewell' 'Ale for peace' - I can see the slogans now. Not that International Ale would be much good in a Muslim country like Afghanistan, indeed its involvement would be illegal and seen as very insulting. But maybe even in the West and parts of the East as well as the South it could have potential. 'Talk out your problems over a beer', 'Never let drinking time set on an argument with a friend - or enemy', 'All can benefit from a chat over an ale', that sort of thing, even 'Sing the Internation-ale'. Hold on a second, just let me check about the address of this International Ale organisation. Oops, silly me. It was a logo on the right hand margin of a page concerning a UK civilian peace service (should there be one?) conference on 21st November. And the 'rt' got omitted from the 'Ale'. Oh well. International Alert is well known (www.international-alert.org) Anyone want to get International Ale going?

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
Meanwhile the extent to which erstwhile Dublin feminist of the seventies, Mary Kenny - long since conservative commentator in Britain - has gone OTT (over the top) and UTW (up the wall) was revealed in a letter to the British 'Guardian' newspaper (23/10/01). Taking up commentator Julie Burchill's claim that she (Burchill) had been the only one to back the Russians/Soviets in the Afghan war of the early eighties, Mary Kenny had this to say:

"I wrote in the Sunday Telegraph, at that time, that we should certainly support the Christian Russians against the Islamic fundamentalists....my analysis was that religious culture was the rising force in the world, though secularists did not understand this: and that as Russians are Christians, we had shared values."

So let's get this clear. Kenny supported the 'Communist' Russian 'Christians' against Afghan Muslims. Mmmmm. So she supports a Christian version of the worst stereotyped and militarist notion of 'jihad' within Islam, then? Anybody who fights Muslims should get 'Christian' support? Wouldn't it be interesting if people followed the logic of the doctrine of Mary Kenny through to its ridiculous conclusion. That would mean, hypothetically of course, that if the richest country in the world, the USA, wanted to bomb the hell out of an Islamic country like Afghanistan, one of the very poorest in the world, resulting in millions of starving and freezing refugees, it would get her support? But that could never happen. Civilised opinion in the West would never allow it, would it? Or maybe Kenny should have refined her doctrine a bit more and backed the 'Catholic' IRA against the 'pagan' British (which was the opposite of what she did do). So long as its in support of civilised values, of course. And wasn't Stalin really a great man altogether for defending those same Christian values?

The priests are on the ocean green
More than two thirds of the 13,393 Catholic religious (nuns, brothers, priests in religious orders) in Ireland are over 60 years old. This fact came out in a survey conducted for CORI, the Conference of Religious in Ireland. 47% of these are already retired but it must mean that a much greater percentage will be retired within a decade or so. The times they are certainly a-changin' and I don't know how this situation is mirrored with diocesan priests but it must be to a considerable extent. Ireland will soon be a net importer of priests and religious as opposed to being a net exporter (interestingly mirroring the overall population, which was deeply into export but is now a net importer). If necessity is the mother superior of invention it will be interesting to see how the Catholic church responds, but some Catholic churches (e.g. Philippines) survive and prosper with far fewer priests than Ireland is ever likely to see. And as for the Paisleyite accusation of the Republic being priest-ridden, well, that seems to be less heard than it was but may be it's coming true in reverse - it'll be largely rid of priests rather than priest-ridden.

Waxing and waning
'Waxing', meaning strengthening or enlarging and not something you do to your expensive car at the weekend - and waning, meaning diminishing and not spending time with your children (Norn Iron/Scots dialect - Ed - You could apply for that grant for promoting Ullans again!), are not words which are as current as they used to be. In the days of the ancients, and of our own forefathers and foremothers, they were of considerable significance. The waxing and waning of natural cycles - the seasons, the moon, the tides - all these were much more present to people than the urban, suburban, or rural urban patterns which most of us now live in. If you lived outside of lit urban areas, as most people did, the moon was your night light and its stage of waxing and waning of significance in moving about at night time. The waxing and waning of the seasons were something which was a vital part of life, indicating the stages of planting, weeding, harvesting, resting and part of survival itself.

However in my suburban existence I have noticed a new rhythm of waxing and waning which is of great significance and I wanted to share it with you. Perhaps this new rhythm may replace the old natural cycles. Maybe you have noticed it too. Yes, life can be divided into stages of waxing and waning, and I refer of course to the waxing and waning of the piles of papers on my desk. When they are waxing I haven't time to deal with them and everything gets in a desperate jumble. When I do get a while to try to sort them, time stolen from something else I should be doing, well they wane a bit before the next cycle of waxing follows close on behind. Maybe for you 'waxing' is the number of e-mails that pile up before you delete them and they wane. But who said we're getting away from natural cycles?

Little known facts about great inventors:

No. 99 in a series; John Boyd Dunlop
Moving on from natural cycles, we come to John Boyd Dunlop who was born in Scotland in 1840 but moved to Belfast in his late twenties and is usually associated with that city. Not regarded as necessarily the inventor of the pneumatic tyre/tube (it had already been patented by another Scot, Robert William Thomson - it must be the Scottish compressed air) it looks like it was he who perfected it or certainly popularised it, and the Queen's College Belfast cycle race victory in 1889 for Billy Hume with 'Dunlop' tyres meant the era of air-filled tyres had arrived. The tyres were first commercially manufactured in Belfast and later Dublin. However there is one fact not so well known about Dunlop, which, as an everyday cyclist I can attest to. What did he simultaneously invent/perfect with the pneumatic tyre and tube? It has been the bane of cyclists, and sometimes motorists, ever since. So, please raise a glass of your favourite beverage, whatever that may be, and toast the man who brought us endless hours on our knees with upturned bicycles, buckets of water, dirty hands and shrivelled up tubes of glue - I refer, of course, to the puncture and its heroic inventor/populariser, John Boyd Dunlop. I hope this piece doesn't deflate his reputation too much, and it would be a pity if it was blown up out of all proportion but as a long-suffering cyclist from broken glass I thought I should air my grievances. (Ed - We're all getting a bit tyred of your puns, you always try to rubber it in, in fact your jokes aren't a patch on what they used to be.)

Well, sín é for another month......let's hope there might be better news for the people of Afghanistan in a month's time but somehow I doubt it. You brother against arms, Billy.