Oh dear, autumn falls once more and back to
the tasks and schedules which we have been so studiously (un-sic)
avoiding over the summer. I like the colours beginning to
come in the trees, the hint of cool when I’m pedalling
furiously on the two wheels – but the idea of all that
work and balancing of schedules and demands – yuck.
But without autumn there is no spring and so everything in
its time, turn turn turn me into a grumpy old man.
I hope you had a good summer and that it wasn’t
too summary. We possibly had a summer of two halves, a short
dry half and a long wet one. And always the realisation come
early August that I’m not going to get a quarter of
the things done that I had aimed to do over the summer, some
of them creative, some movement work, some tasks about the
house, few of any of them accomplished. But you’ve got
to get the break too or you’ll reach breaking point.
So on with the autumn show.
Into the West (and elsewhere)
We were in a few different parts of this island over the summer
but the main part of my holiday was cycling in Connemara and
south Mayo. It was enjoyable and on the bike you see much
more than with any other form of transport except on foot,
and you cover a lot more ground than the latter. Just to see
a plant growing wild (and only in one spot not close to human
habitation) that we have in our garden but I thought of as
a French alpine wild flower, and realising that presumably
it is as native as myself and probably more so, it was intriguing.
But I do have one grouch. Could we please ditch
the ‘Quiet Man’ film baloney in Co Galway? ‘Quiet
Man’ cottages seemed to abound. The Quiet Man was a
1952 film made by John Ford, starring John Wayne and Maureen
O’Hara. Unfortunately if there is one film that has
dated irreparably in fifty years, this is it. I can’t
remember the plot, or even the garden, very well (man wants
woman, woman spurns man, man puts woman over his shoulder
etc) but it seemed very sexist, stage Oirish and probably
racist too. Maybe John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara are
what some US Americans visitors want but it would be good
to give the film the boot and quit promoting linkages with
that fillum. In fact it gets my goat. [Didn’t know you
had one – Ed] [I frequently feel sheepish, sometimes
eat like a horse but try not to make a pig of myself –
Billy] [Is that a piggish remark - giving pigs a bad name?
- Ed] [Enough – you old snake in the grass – Billy]
There is plenty in the west to promote and surprisingly,
in a tourist-oriented economy, many stunning attractions go
unpromoted. I think of the Alcock and Brown landing site near
Clifden, Co Galway. where they crash-landed after the first
flight across the Atlantic; a bockety boreen led us not only
to the landing site (not clearly marked) but in the same place
the remains of the first, Marconi, trans-Atlantic radio station
which was based there from 1907 – 1922 when it was blown
up by republicans (we know because we were told the latter
by two English tourists whose guide book was obviously better
than ours). I think of Doon Lough and the O’Boyle dry
stone fort near Narin in Donegal, admittedly the fort has
been reconstructed, but still a stunning, quiet place. I think
of Granuaile’s castle on Lough Corrib at Caisleán
na Circe/Castle Kirk. But then tourism destroys the things
it loves and I shouldn’t even be mentioning these places
so you don’t go searching them out…. All of these
are places where you could be a real quiet man, or woman.
Not in the west but north-east, I was delighted
to get to visit the yew hedge Peace Maze at Castlewellan,
Co Down, at 3 kms the longest hedge maze in the world. If
the hedge was that little bit higher it would be fiendishly
difficult to crack, I’m not sure how high they will
let it grow. As it was it took us about half an hour and that
was with a good dollop of luck (and of course our cracking
strategy!). However it did need rather more information on
the outside to point out it was created to commemorate peace
and the peace process in Northern Ireland because ‘peace’
(as in ‘Peace Maze’) can mean so many things and
therefore be quite meaningless. More visitors are probably
going to stumble on it than come deliberately and already
knowing what there is to know about it, and they need adequate
information.
GWB and Vietnam
Isn’t it amazing the ongoing debate in the US of A on
the ‘war records’ of Bush and Kerry. Kerry fought
the fight and then saw the error of his ways, which was good
of him (though not good for ultra-patriots). Bush used his
family connections to get out of it (if he didn’t actually
initiate this process he was more than happy with it) and
in fact didn’t even show up for much of his National
Guard stint, too busy into substance abuse or whatever he
was into at the time (some of the record is quite blank, maybe
no one else who was there with him can remember either). And
if George W Bush was a coward, in military terminology, well,
good for him, it’s better to be a coward and not fight
in an unjust war than to be a ‘brave man’ and
fight in an unjust war. The whole basis of US action in Vietnam
was illegal, immoral/unethical and strategically flawed. Remember
the ‘domino theory’? That if one state goes commie
then the rest around will? Looking at Eastern Europe a decade
and a half ago the ‘domino theory’ looks to have
worked the other way around! Allow one state to go capitalist
and all the other around will too. The death and destruction
wreaked by the USA in Vietnam and neighbouring countries,
and the repercussions (e.g. rise of Pol Pot in Cambodia) are
truly awesome (to use that Americanism).
But you would have thought that Curious George
might have learnt a lesson or too from those days, like not
sending people who don’t want to go to war, or not having
the war to send people to in the beginning. Oh now, the coward
and war-evader poses in military uniform, projects himself
as a great war leader, and jumps into war when a decent foreign
policy would have made both the object nations and the USA
safer and better places. With such a hypocrite for a leader,
the USA should throw everything possible at GWB (GBH? –
Ed) for his war record – majoring on the hypocrisy rather
than the cowardice. The amazing thing too is that it is still
considered ‘patriotic’ by most in the USA to have
fought in the Vietnam war whereas surely it was those who
opposed the war who were the real patriots, who sought to
oppose the financial, strategic and human cost to the USA
(and this isn’t even considering humanitarian consequences
outside the US of A with the millions who died in south-east
Asia as a result of US policies).
Meanwhile some of the cases arising from George
Bush’s Iraq war summit visit to Northern Ireland have
still been working their way through the system. Some came
to court in August in the Belfast courts when five people
including Belfast activist Darren Malone were charged among
other things with ‘malacious sitting’ (all five
was bound over ‘to keep the peace’ – which
was I thought the whole purpose of the protest they were involved
in at the beginning!). Just how malicious can you get that
you charge someone with ‘malacious sitting’? It
reminds me of the time during the Repeal movement in the nineteenth
century [ah ha, so you were around then – Ed] [Methuselah
has nothing on me – Billy] when the British government
started banning political meetings and Daniel O’Connell
said “If the Government think fit to proclaim down political
breakfasts….then we shall resort to a political lunch……tea….until
suppers also be proclaimed down.”
Prepairing for e-mergencies
If you live in Her Britannic Majesty’s United Kindom,
as those of us in Norn Iron do, you are likely to have received
a copy of a wee booklet, “Preparing
for Emergencies – What you need to know”.
This was issued for the post-9/11 world when attacks of a
previously known or unknown kind could be made with devastating
effect. It contains such unpassremarkable advice on chemical,
biological and radiological incidents as ‘Move away
from the source of danger’ and, more seriously, ’wait
for the emergency services to arrive and examine you, and,
if necessary, decontaminate you’ but ‘If you go
home untreated you could contaminate others and make any incident
worse’. Well, that’s good to know. All this is
‘our’ generation’s version of the ‘Protect
and survive’ type rubbish churned out by British, and
indeed Irish governments (in the mid-sixties I think regarding
the latter) regarding nuclear war (plus ça change…..).
I’m not saying there is no threat to the UK, most likely
on the island of Britain, there certainly is, exacerbated
by a British foreign policy which makes war first and asks
questions later. And Northern Ireland itself has had long
experience of bombing and other violence.
But I’m trying (and possibly not succeeding
fully) to remember the concluding words of the ‘Protect
and Survive’ song from the ‘seventies; “With
a little muscular pressure / You can make a final gesture
/ As you kiss your arse goodbye”. And remember, “Go
in, stay in, tune in” (go inside a ‘safe’
building and tune in to local radio or TV for information).
You have been warned. Welcome to the 21st century. Have a
nice life.
How to make a killing
on the financial markets
If it was intended as a satirical piece it couldn’t
have been more aptly put: “WAR – WHAT IS IT GOOD
FOR? Where there’s muck and bullets there’s brass.
Stephen Ellis checks out what previous wars have meant for
the economy and the small investor” in ‘Advantage’
a publication of Sedgwick Independent Financial Consultants,
Spring 2002 edition (I know, that’s a couple of years
ago, but I’m only getting around to it now). The also
have the gall to illustrate it with Captain Mainwaring (or
however you spell the name from Dad’s Army, the British
TV series) indicating that war’s all a bit of a lark.
The article takes a general view over the financial markets
in the 20th century in relation to war, not analysing war
products in detail apart from quoting a recommendation that
“defence and aerospace companies are worth considering”.
Yes, they are worth considering. Worth considering for boycotts
and publicity action that is. With flippant and selfish financial
advice like the above, it’s no wonder that war is perceived
as just a normal state of affairs.
Confessions of a crack
addict
I probably told you this one before but my brain is so addled
I can’t remember, I’ve been reading too many cartoons.
Researchers in Californ-ay-ae have found out that a good,
funny cartoon activates the same reward circuits in the brain
that are stimulated by cocaine, money or a pretty face (I
don’t get that – how can money stimulate the brain?
Greed? The thought of all that lucre?). The nucleus accumbens
brain region, in particular, responds seconds after a funny
cartoon but does not respond to a poor joke [your readers
are safe from that stimulation then – Ed] [your readers
wouldn’t know what hit them if they got a laugh –
Billy]. This area of the brain is saturated with dopamine
(what a name!), a chemical which makes you feel good and that
may explain the euphoria which follows a good joke. It may
help to explain why I like the cartoons, but then I like the
serious ones as well as the funnies so maybe that doesn’t
really tell me too much after all. But, just to let you experiment,
here’s an old yoke I dug out:
Two religious sisters. Sr Catherine and Sr Helen,
are travelling through Europe by car. Stopped at traffic lights
in Transylvania, suddently a tiny little Dracula jumps onto
the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.
“Quick, quick!” shouts Sr Catherine, “What
shall we do?”. “Turn on the windshield wipers!”
responds Sr Helen. Sr Catherine does as suggested but the
little Dracula clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
“What shall I do now?” she shouts. “Turn
on the windshield washer. I filled it up with holy water”
says Sr Helen, and Sr Catherine does as suggested. The little
Dracula screams as if the water is burning his skin but he
still clings on. “Now what?” shouts Sr Catherine.
“Show him your cross” says Sr Helen. “Now
you’re talking,” says Sr Catherine, who opens
the window and shouts angrily at the little Dracula - “Get
the feck off our car!!!”.
Who
is Billy King? A long, long time ago, in a more
innocent age (just talking about myself you understand),
there were magazines called 'Dawn' and 'Dawn Train'
and I had a back page column in these. Now the Headitor
has asked me to come out from under the carpet to write
a Cyberspace Column 'something people won't be able
to put down' (I hope you're not carrying your monitor
around with you).
Watch this. Cast a cold eye on life, on death, horseman
pass by (because there'll almost certainly be very little
about horses even if someone with a similar name is
found astride them on gable ends around certain parts
of Norn Iron).
